by Olivia Levande
In today’s day and age, losing one’s virginity before marriage is accepted- being a virgin until wedlock is the exception, not the rule.
In the words of George Michael, “sex is natural, sex is fun”, so why wait?
Sure, many believe that being “pure” on the wedding night is a must, and that a woman’s “first time” is a “gift” to her husband. That last notion seems overtly sexist and barbaric, and purity is in the eye of the beholder.
One thing that is true, a person’s sexual history before marriage can cloud, complicate or even curse the sexual experiences of a husband and wife.
This often manifests in two people holding separate expectations for what is acceptable in the bedroom…or the living room, dining room, walk in closet, kitchen floor or laundry room. But problems arise when one person is more open and adventurous, and the other is closed off and self conscious about what is “okay” to do.
Yes, sex is natural and fun, but it is also one of the most intimate experiences 2 people can share- it is a physical expression of an emotional truth. Sometimes sex is mindless, but often times it is more complicated than that, and requires an awesome amount of trust.
The sexual relationship you create with your life partner should not mirror or resemble any previous sexual relationships you’ve had. This is your spouse- if anyone is in your life to ensure your sexual satisfaction, it’s him/her. Likewise, you must learn your partner and what satisfies him/her the most.
When I met my husband, I knew very early on he would be the man I would spend the rest of my life with- it was an “aha” moment of the most profound sense- this included our sex lives. Even before our first time, I found myself in a completely different mental space with a very different perspective on sex than I had before he came into my life; I wanted to try everything. I had (and have) such a tremendous level of trust and respect that nothing was (or is) off limits. There has never been a point where I have thought or said “I am not doing that!”. Quite certain he enjoys his sex life. ;-o
No one is suggesting that you compromise your sexual identity or engage in behaviors that are unsafe. What I am saying is that when you marry, your sex life starts over. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to be open to trying things you’ve been resistent to in the past, or had never even given consideration to.
Don’t think about the lectures you got as a teenager, or the sexual escapades of your friends, or the oh-my-god-that-was-terrible experiences you had with other women/men.
Marriage is permission to hit the “do-over” button and rediscover sexual pleasure.
Enjoy~
by Olivia Levande
