by Will Wavvy
“Hey Will, man, I stay pimpin’. I knocked this broad today.”
“Cool, well what number is she?”
“What do you mean?”
“How many horses do you have in your stable?”
“Well she’s the only one right now.”
“Aww negro, you ain’t no pimp. You just ran into a ditzy, dumb, ass broad.”
ANYONE can find one person, but only real pimps have more than one horse and they know they have to always be looking for new talent. So although in Vol. 1, I accepted that I’m being pimped it wasn’t just because of how I was pimped at the store. That was just one of the last straws.
I was introduced to the stable concept a week or so earlier.
It was late, around 10:30 pm, when CW and I went out to eat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah… I don’t want to hear anything about why am I taking a 6 yr old out to eat that late. Call CPS and tell them, they can come kiss my ass too. LOL!
About 10 minutes after we sit down, a couple female friends of mine happen to show up.
“Wow! Is this Charles? He’s adorable.”
Now before I can say, “Yes, this is the infamous CW”, his mind is already thinking “new horses”, so this sucka introduces himself, “My name is Charles, what’s your name?”
“Munequita and Shawanna”.
“You wanna sit here with me and my daddy?” (BTW don’t think “my daddy” is a term of endearment. I’ve come to learn that it’s simply my track name).
I’m like WTF?! How are you just going to invite them to sit down? How do you know I like or even want them sitting here at the table? Ain’t this a bitch!
As is the case with a lot of female friends, there’s the attractive friend and the not so attractive friend. Munequita, aka Mune (pronounced moon-yea) was the attractive one, but you wouldn’t know that from me. I was too busy feeding my face to pay either one of them any real attention. But a pimp knows who’s going to be a better earner. Although CW walked around to the other side of the table, stood between and put his arm around the both of them, he focused his attention on Mune.
“Look, I’m drawing this picture just for you”. (oh Lord, that’s how it starts)
“Wow, Charles this is so pretty, thank you.” Then she hugs him. (she’s falling for it)
“Awww, hecks no lil boy. Where’s my picture? I’m leaving”. I get up from the table.
“Bye Dad, I’m going home with her.”
Can you believe that ish? I mean seriously. Does he always have to be on the grind?
But I guess that’s the difference between real pimps and wannabes. A real pimp never stops.
So I “leave” and walk out the restaurant. I peep through the window and this big head boy goes and pulls us a chair in between them two. A f%$@#&% chair!
Now I’m too through with him. I come back and I try to draw some attention my way. I hit him with our special line (isn’t it funny how a pimp always has that special line with each of his horses):
“Charles, who loves you all the time?”
Without hesitation, he points at Mune.
She’s laughing, Shawanna’s laughing. I’m crushed.
I try to hold on to some dignity.
“Charles, who do you love all the time?”
He looks at me and in this order he points to himself, Mune, Shawanna, then me.
They laugh. I want to die.
“Huh, baby. Who do you love all the time?” My last, feeble attempt.
Just in case there was any doubt, he points again AND verbally tells me how it is.
“I’m first (points to himself), she’s second (Mune), she’s third (Shawanna) and you’re last. Yeah Dad!”
Please shoot me now.
Once again, just like in Vol. 1, we’re at the point of no return. To maintain my dignity, I must be like “eff this”, leave him with her and make it known that I’m not going to tolerate his BS. After all, I’m a MAN. I’m not a horse. I’m not his property. I look him dead in the eye and tell him just what he needed to hear.
“You hurt daddy’s feelings.” I put my head down and faked like I was crying.
That did it. He’s not the only one that can play the game. LOL!
He runs to my side of the table, puts his arms around me and starts apologizing.
“I’m sorry daddy. I love you all the time! I love you all the time! Forgive me daddy. I’m your best friend.”
I look up at him to gloat, but my victory was short lived.
He’s crying. Real tears.
Now I’m the one apologizing trying to console him. Like most pimps, a showing of that type of emotion is rare for him. He MUST feel bad.
“Daddy, was just playing. You didn’t hurt his feelings. It’s OK.”
“Aww, see what you did Will. You ain’t right. Come here Charles.”
“No.” He squeezes me tighter. Letting her know he’s still in control, but he sensed he needed to reassure his bottom bitch – my daddy. LOL!
He wipes his face and it’s back to business, “Can I have some dessert?” LOL!
We share a Chips Ahoy sundae and he makes sure he keeps reassuring me.
He looks at the ladies and says, “This is ours – me and my daddy’s and you can’t get none. AHA!” LOL!
“So it’s like that Charles?”
“Yeah sucka. Ain’t that right, dad?”
“That’s right, suckas.”
Now I’m on cloud nine. So much so, that I’m not even paying attention to our waitress: “Will this all be together or on separate checks?”
“Dad, I wanna pay for something.”
“OK baby, I give him my debit card (like a dumb ass) and he hands it the waitress.
“Umm, hold up Amy (the waitress name), since he’s paying, we need a couple more drinks and a dessert menu over here.”
“Aww, hell naw Mune, you must be out your damn mind!”
“Dad calm down, OK? They’re my friends.”
I really can’t believe I’m falling for this ish. It’s my money, but he wants me to make sure I keep up his image. He hasn’t been 6 for two months yet and he has an image? But hey, what else can I do? I’m his ho. LOL!
We get ready to go, and he makes sure he gives the ladies a BIG hug.
“Yeah, yall better enjoy it, because you won’t be seeing him ever again.”
“Damn, why you got to be like that, Will? You want a hug too?”
They try to give me a hug, but CW stops them.
“No, that’s my daddy (ho).You got some monies for my daddy?”
LMAO! LMAO! LMAO!
If I was ever clever enough to make this stuff up, I’d be rich. The things that come out of that boy’s mouth. Of course, they don’t pay, so we do the usual, race to the car and are on our way.
Whew! Finally it’s over, I say to myself. He has no new horses, so technically, I’m not a ho.
No stable. No pimp. No ho.
Well that’s what I thought until I got a text message that night and a phone call the next day…
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