Hat tip to Damon and his “This May Concern You” open letters which he posts on his blog of the same name and thefreshxpress for which I also write, for finally pushing me to vent out my frustration with my [former] fb friends, and for making me more conscientious of my own status updates- thanks Damon, I pwomise to do better *crosses heart* while blinking big, dark adorable [innocent] eyes.
My top 5 also focus on status updates, which I believe are the crux of how unwritten fb etiquette is created. There are just some things you shouldn’t do with a status update.
5. evry status updte iz mizzzspelled reeee-o ghetto-lyke, 4 no gud reeezun. It’s one thing to switch up your dialect because your intelligent and witty. It’s another to act like you don’t know how to spell, and if you actually do not know how to spell, you have NO business using a computer if you don’t use, or better yet, don’t know how to use the spell check feature. Whether it’s a status update, comments on others’ status updates, comments about notes, or links, or other posts, or messages to the in box, your ignorance really and truly gives me a headache. You know the “hide” feature on fb? It was made so that people like me don’t have to see people like you. Constantly misspelled and ghetto ass status updates are particularly enraging when I know good and hell well your ass went to college and got a degree. WTF is wrong with you? I know 13 year olds who post better status updates than you, and that’s why they are still fb friends and you are not.
4. Your status updates make. no. sense.
“Glue = plastic = pain”
What the hell is that? Then fifty of your friends, including me, leave comments asking for more details, and…nothing. You never come back and give a bit of context. You are the weakest link, goodbye.
3. You don’t allow people to comment on your status updates. Now this is just some selfish crap right here. Again, what the hell is that? You don’t allow people to comment on your status updates? For what good reason?
“Just bumped into Oprah Winfrey and had great convo about Michelle and the O-man!”
*blood pressure rising* Like you don’t know that folks are going to instantly want more details on that conversation. That’s some passive aggressive nonsense that’ll make us all think you’re a big fat liar. Besides, status updates are supposed to spark conversation and here are you preventing that. fb should do away with that setting immediately.
2. Gamers, quizz-takers and all of that. If all you do on facebook is play Mafia Wars, Farmville, take fb quizzes, get your name analyzed, find out what mythical creature you are, what character you are from your favorite [dumb ass] tv show or movie, find out the first letter of the last name of the man you’re going to marry, which Atlanta housewife you are, what biblical character you are, what your favorite sexual position is, how freaky you are, how high your IQ is, what your birthday says about you, or what movie star you’re most likely to marry (Ha!)- I fucking hate you. That’s right, fucking hate. No facebook application is going to predict how many kids you’re going to have, or what foreign country you’ll retire to (you know your ass ain’t going nowhere so quit it), or all you do is post stuff in the general thread, or worse, on my page directly, about joining your mafia family or something ridiculous like that, I don’t want to be associated with you. They should move all that juvenile crap over to myspace- and you too.
1. YOU TYPE EVERYTHING IN CAPS. EVERYTHING. ALL THE TIME. IT’S FUCKING ANNOYING. DO YOU KNOW THAT USING CAPS EQUALS YELLING? SO I’M YELLING AT YOU RIGHT NOW, AND YOU’RE YELLING AT ME AND EVERYONE ELSE ON FB WHEN YOU DO THIS. IT’S LIKE FINGERNAILS ON A CHALK BOARD FOR ME AND AFTER THE FIRST 5 WORDS, I’VE TUNED OUT ALL THE REST, SO WHILE YOU MAY THINK DOING THIS GETS EVERYONE’S ATTENTION, THE TRUTH IS, IT DOES JUST THE OPPOSITE- WE HATE READING YOUR SHIT. This burns me, I mean burns me, like nothing else on this or any other fb list- I can’t stand it, and if I see that this is how you communicate with folks, you’re so gone, so quick. Likewise For People Who Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word. 2nd graders are smarter than you, which means, no matter what you’ve accomplished in life, you need to go back to 1st grade. Now.
omgosh I feel so much better. And now you know why you got kicked to the curb and subsiquently blocked from ever being my fb friend again in this life. I hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson.
I agree with all of the above sans the gamers. I limit the posts that go to the news feed but still some are required. I’m addicted to Mafia Wars. It sucked me in.
I did, however, change my settings so I don’t get other people’s updates for games. Hecks yes, it’s annoying. I’ve deleted people for less. The people that do the extra letter for emphasis as in Wasss uppp Hommmieeee. WTF is that? What are we teaching our children? LOL!
u r very funny and really agree about #3.
Huh. I wonder which Atlanta housewife I am. Do I get to live on Collier Ave.?
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