Comments on: Fear of messing up may undermine interracial contact http://www.sableverity.com/fear-of-messing-up-may-undermine-interracial-contact/ Print.Pixel.Radio.Local.National.International Fri, 03 Sep 2010 21:58:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: fiona http://www.sableverity.com/fear-of-messing-up-may-undermine-interracial-contact/comment-page-1/#comment-580 fiona Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:41:32 +0000 http://sableverity.wordpress.com/?p=210#comment-580 A couple of weeks ago while I was not watching tv, an interviewer commented to a Black performer on the hipness of a certain phrase that was maybe somehow connected to this performer. (I TOLD you, I wasn't watching.) I had heard the phrase once or twice, used it myself. It was one of the coolest new expressions I'd heard in a while. Not hostile, not violent or sexual, not even referring to a person. Only expressive, concise, and pleasing to the ear. The interviewee, his voice dripping with scorn, said yeah, but you know what ruins it? When white people say it. Then [with scathing contempt]: I don't wanna hear that come out of no old white woman mouth! Turns out I own an old white woman mouth, attached to an old white woman with a lifetime of working with and appreciating language. And that old white woman, although a fairly tough old bird by now, actually allowed herself to feel shame in her own home because she had spoken a perfectly reasonable and useful phrase in her native tongue. How can that not inhibit conversation? He is not alone in his opinion. It hasn't been long since I heard another Black celebrity intone, but without the rancor, We just get our language to where we want it, and then white folks start to use our words, and we have to think up all new ones again. Words, he obviously meant, that define us as different from you, that erect a barricade you may not cross for fear of being mocked or shamed for "acting Black." So, you see, a white friend is likely to feel that she has to censor herself when speaking to a Black friend, refraining not only from insult and criticism, but from treading on a constantly changing collection of words and phrases she should not use because of her race. In the end, she may make a false step and lose the friendship in reproach. And we haven't even gotten to considering biased or pejorative talk! Much is made of the barriers supposedly erected by statistical differences in lifestyles in white and black communities, in earnings, in history until the last couple of generations. I venture to say that is not the issue. Most white persons would have no problem (an extreme example) even sitting across from a black person in the only two unbroken chairs, having a cup of half-chicory while children whose fathers she will never meet play with her kids around them. But intimacy has a tough time growing where one or the other or both is nervously analyzing and monitoring everything she has to offer to the conversation because she realistically knows that she can ruin a relationship by saying the wrong word. You’ll understand if she decides not to come today, to stay at home in bed. A couple of weeks ago while I was not watching tv, an interviewer commented to a Black performer on the hipness of a certain phrase that was maybe somehow connected to this performer. (I TOLD you, I wasn’t watching.) I had heard the phrase once or twice, used it myself. It was one of the coolest new expressions I’d heard in a while. Not hostile, not violent or sexual, not even referring to a person. Only expressive, concise, and pleasing to the ear.

The interviewee, his voice dripping with scorn, said yeah, but you know what ruins it? When white people say it. Then [with scathing contempt]: I don’t wanna hear that come out of no old white woman mouth!

Turns out I own an old white woman mouth, attached to an old white woman with a lifetime of working with and appreciating language. And that old white woman, although a fairly tough old bird by now, actually allowed herself to feel shame in her own home because she had spoken a perfectly reasonable and useful phrase in her native tongue. How can that not inhibit conversation?

He is not alone in his opinion. It hasn’t been long since I heard another Black celebrity intone, but without the rancor, We just get our language to where we want it, and then white folks start to use our words, and we have to think up all new ones again. Words, he obviously meant, that define us as different from you, that erect a barricade you may not cross for fear of being mocked or shamed for “acting Black.”

So, you see, a white friend is likely to feel that she has to censor herself when speaking to a Black friend, refraining not only from insult and criticism, but from treading on a constantly changing collection of words and phrases she should not use because of her race. In the end, she may make a false step and lose the friendship in reproach. And we haven’t even gotten to considering biased or pejorative talk!

Much is made of the barriers supposedly erected by statistical differences in lifestyles in white and black communities, in earnings, in history until the last couple of generations. I venture to say that is not the issue. Most white persons would have no problem (an extreme example) even sitting across from a black person in the only two unbroken chairs, having a cup of half-chicory while children whose fathers she will never meet play with her kids around them. But intimacy has a tough time growing where one or the other or both is nervously analyzing and monitoring everything she has to offer to the conversation because she realistically knows that she can ruin a relationship by saying the wrong word. You’ll understand if she decides not to come today, to stay at home in bed.

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